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GharialGuy sporks a movie from memory Part 1 [20 Apr 2018|07:20pm]

So I saw the movie A Wrinkle in Time about two weeks ago, and there’s some stuff about the accuracy of the source material that I wanted to rant about. Unfortunately no one in real life I knew about ever read the original book. I read it damn near fifteen years ago at this point. I can’t attest to its quality, but the fact that I can remember so much about it over a decade later than the lack of faithfulness probably speaks to its quality. It wouldn’t be something I’d rave about, but it has an interested set up and manages to explain some pretty high concept ideas in a very easy to grasp way (and apparently, inexplicably, leaves all this out the door in the sequels).

So I’m going to spork a movie I saw two weeks ago and a book I read over twelve years ago. I’m also going to be drawing some comparisons to the much more faithful, but much lower budget 2003 movie that I saw over ten years ago too, but rewatched the same day I saw the current movie for comparison. So if I get anything wrong or mixed up, please forgive me.

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Ready Player One: Chapters 0015, 0016, and 0017 [20 Apr 2018|08:04am]

So, Ready Player One (the movie) has come out and the internet is aflame with criticism and discussion over both the movie and the book. A lot of what I have to say about this book has been said better by several other people and I spent a while debating if I should finish this sporking. I’ve come to the conclusion: Why the hell not? So I’m going to put the movie in it’s own little pod, maybe discuss it when I get a chance to see it in the dollar theater, and continue with the book.

Chapter 0015
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Funpost [20 Apr 2018|07:01pm]


This picture story book stole Paolini's Space Brick's title.

Okay, so it's not exact, but I saw this today while covering books at my library, and had to share.
10 Anti-Riders|Speak out

Enchanter Sporking: Part Four [20 Apr 2018|12:31pm]

[ mood | angry ]

WARNING: This instalment contains sexual assault. Also, prepare to loathe a certain character like you've never loathed anyone before.
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Enchanter Sporking: Part Three [17 Apr 2018|07:57pm]

[ mood | restless ]

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Enchanter Sporking: Part Two [15 Apr 2018|09:40am]

[ mood | tired ]

Dear everyone – be prepared for this chapter. This is where Azhure’s Suedom really begins to shine. Sick bags may be required.

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RIP Gerry Tesch (Gloria's Dad & Enabler) [10 Apr 2018|02:53pm]


I feel for her, I really do. I think it's safe to say Maradonia died with him.
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Enchanter Sporking: Part One [09 Apr 2018|08:21pm]

[ mood | worried ]

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Discussion: ascûdgamln (metal knuckle studs) [09 Apr 2018|06:22pm]

Came across this interview with a boxer who fights one-handed:

In summary, the guy explains how he'd broken his arm and the doctors screwed a metal plate onto his bone to stop it from shifting while the bone regrew. According to him, if you have a plate screwed into your bones and someone strikes it, it hurts a lot. And then he goes on to relate how, because one screw was left in the bone because doctors could not remove it, his arm broke again at the very point that the screw had been put in. It was a structural weakness.

Being in a sporking mood tonight, I immediately thought back to the ascud-whatever (I copy-pasted the word for the post title, I have no desire to attempt to spell it out by hand).

The dwarves drill into their knuckle bones to insert steel rods, specifically for the purpose of punching things with them.

Unless  the dwarvish bone structure and nervous system are completely alien to human anatomy, what we learn from this real-life example is that, just as we suspected, dwarves who undergo this procedure will be absolutely crippled. The slightest little jostle of the exposed steel tips will jolt their nerves in a bad way, and every time they punch something they run the risk of completely smashing their hand bones.] because of the introduced structural weakness.
21 Anti-Riders|Speak out

Another Twitter funny [09 Apr 2018|02:43pm]

I wonder how much longer Paolini's fans can be patient...

And whether paolini is starting to get the message yet. 7 years between books is not healthy for one's marketability.
10 Anti-Riders|Speak out

Paolini Gotta Paolini [03 Apr 2018|10:43pm]



Can we at least appreciate how funny it is that he has not changed at all in the last seven years?
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Two Cents Short of Moral Bankruptcy in Protagonists [03 Apr 2018|08:13am]

In John Green’s YA magnum opus, “The Fault In Our Stars”, there’s a scene where the male lead Augustus decides that his friend Isaac’s ex-girlfriend is bad for not staying in contact with Isaac, and he convinces Isaac and the female lead Hazel to egg the ex-girlfriend’s car. At this point, Isaac is no longer upset about his breakup and has moved on and has no ill-will toward the ex-girlfriend, and she has had essentially no interactions with Augustus or Hazel, either.

For some reason, Isaac and Hazel go along with this (I guess they’re just used to being bossed around by Augustus). They buy eggs, drive to the ex-girlfriend’s house, and egg the crap out of her car. The ex-girlfriend’s mom comes out, but Augustus tells her that HE will call the cops if she doesn’t go back inside and let them continue their vandalism, and this weird reverse psychology works. The mom just goes back inside and lets them continue.

This scene kind of fascinates me. In terms of the novel, it’s a completely pointless scene; there are zero consequences for their actions, either positive or negative. The relationships between the characters do not change. The entire scene can be removed from the book, and no one would miss it. So why is it here?

This seems to be a “thing” for John Green; I read synopses of his other novels (I’m sporking TFiOS; do you think I should post it here?), and teenage vandalism seems to be a recurring theme, usually without consequence. The characters in “Looking for Alaska” spend a lot of time pranking other students or stealing their stuff, and while other classmates retaliate there’s no repercussions from adults or the police. Margo in “Paper Towns”  spends the first third of the book or so going on a vandalism-rampage in revenge for her boyfriend cheating on her before running away, and despite causing a lot of property damage and being a missing minor, her parents and the police are strangely uninterested in finding her.

My question is, why do authors write characters like this?

Does it maybe come from a misplaced idea about why character flaws are important? Do authors like John Green write characters who do horrible things because they think they’ll make their characters more human?

That’s about the only explanation I can come up with, especially when horrible characters don’t have any kind of consequences for their horribleness. “The Great Gatsby” is one of my favorite books, and it’s full of awful people, but they experience consequences for being awful; Fitzgerald’s characters suffer because they make stupid, petty, harmful choices and that comes back to bite them. In TFiOS, though, there are no consequences for the egging incident.

Is this like in Rent or Reality Bites, where we’re supposed to like the characters because they’re “smart” and going against “the Man”? Like, is their rebelliousness is supposed to be charming?

 I honestly don’t get it. What are your thoughts on this?
48 Anti-Riders|Speak out

funpost: Paofan on twitter [02 Apr 2018|11:19pm]

Happy Easterfools, if you celebrate. If you don't, happy Ludicrously Marked Up Chocolate Prices Weekend.

I just noticed this comment a fan left on one of Paolini's 'posing' tweets, where he shows the backside of a printed chapter of the Space Brick, weighed down by a knife from his collection.

I can't even describe how wrong that is. It's so wrong that my wrongometer broke!

14 Anti-Riders|Speak out

Someone sell me on The Wheel of Time [29 Mar 2018|03:45pm]

The Wheel of Time has come up once or twice on my time on this site, and while we've never discussed it at length, I have seen some varying opinions of it. I've read the first book and I didn't have that great opinions on it. My main gripes coming from the fact that the main character is also the least interesting character in the book (some friends have told me this doesn't ever change in the sequels, but he does get a lot less screen time even though he some how remains the central focus). The ending also was really sudden and rushed, they teleport to the opposite side of the continent and fight these two old guys that come out of nowhere. There's also a romance plot between two of the older characters that came completely out of nowhere, at least for me. Over all it just felt really meandering and lacking in any sort of real content. They don't even achieve the main goal of the book, which is just getting to this place (and there was this one line that just made me facepalm at the writing, where Rand falls out of a tree and meets a prince and a princess, the two siblings refer to each other by name when they think Rand is unconscious which is so clearly done purely to tell the reader their names despite how unnatural it sounds).

But I'm not here to rant about it, despite my best efforts. The Wheel of Time is a big name in fantasy, and I'm of the opinion that if something's a big name, it's probably worth reading, not necessarily that it's good, but that there's something that a lot of people find compelling for one reason or another. So tell me, what did you like about The Wheel of Time, or if you didn't enjoy it, what were your problems?
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Greetings, everyone! [28 Mar 2018|08:04pm]


Well, hello community! Or should I say, it's good to see you again!

A long time ago, I used to come here and l was a member of the former Uru'baen forum and the other forum that preceded it (which I forget the name, unfortunately). I didn't contributed much, but I was writing posts on different subjects. Man, I sure look like an old man, now I mention this forum.

But wait! I sure you guys wondering who am I ? 

I used to be called aquanaute. 

Doesn't ring a bell? That's fine and I won't judge you. I won't even be surprised if my old posts under my old nickname are long gone now. Wodner if there is a archive site of this community ... 

To be fair, since it's been a very long time, I'm not expecting a huge reaction or a warming welcome from you. I'm not even sure if the people, back in the day, are still here !

Anyway, I'm glad to be back and seeing the community alive and well, even if Chris Paolini didn't release a single book since Inheritance.

Cheers, from Quebec! :)

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Anya and Epistler Spork: This Article Thinks the IC is Oh So Feminist [28 Mar 2018|03:54pm]

Hello everyone! torylltales found this article and linked it to theepistler, who brought me on board to help spork it. Her comments are in purple, while mine are in red. Why red? Because... the red penis your friend.

Without further ado... let's pick up our Angry Editor Pens and delve into this rancid pile of bullshit!

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BattleAxe Sporking: Part Twenty-Six (The End) [28 Mar 2018|10:43am]

[ mood | awake ]

I don't know how many of you guys are still reading this, but oh well - I sporked all the way to the end, so here's the final part. Thank goodness.

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Nostalgia Interview Spork: Part 3 [24 Mar 2018|11:06pm]


Part 3! Check here for part 1, and here for part 2. Unless I’ve mixed up the links.

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Nostaliga Interview: Part 2 [24 Mar 2018|10:49pm]


Part 2! See here for part 1. To recap: Epistler found an interview from October 2014 that we hadn't sporked, and demanded we do so. Being the sucker both for mid-2010s nostalgia and for bashing mid-2010s-era-Paolini that I am, I agree to make the odd (and occasionally not so odd) comment here and there.

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Part 3 to follow, because longpost is STILL too long. Is Livejournal trying to be more like Twitter now?

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Nostalgia Interview: Oct 2014, part 1: [24 Mar 2018|10:29pm]


Epistler: As you all know many of the interviews posted on shurtugal.com have been sporked as they came out by resident interview sporking guy, torylltales (…wow, my creativity really sucks first thing in the morning. Mind you, some people’s creativity sucks 24-7 for 365 days a year). However, this one seems to have flown under the radar. After a brief session of private bickering between myself and toryll, we decided to co-spork it. The Epistler is in purple, and TT is in green.

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Part 2 coming up in the net half-hour or so, becuase longpost was too long for Livejournal.

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