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Hateful Wheel of Time Review [21 Oct 2017|10:23pm]

[ mood | sick ]



In fact, I've never read the first Wheel of Time novel beyond the first few chapters. I just couldn't force myself to read any further; I was compeltely bored to tears and couldn't stand any of the characters.

I have a friend who used to be a fan, but had given up in disgust after, as she put it, the "story" became nothing but endless descriptions of tea and dresses. This was more than enough to warn me away from the series for life.

This here review is one I read years and years ago, but sadly the original website it was posted on seems to have gone kaput and it's now all but impossible to find, so I thought I'd repost my saved copy here for your enjoyment. Again, I did not write this review and am not responsible for any of the content. But I thought it was pretty funny. And by the sound of it, Jordan had the same problem as Paolini when it came to ditching plot advancement in favour of a bunchof useless fluff. Except with more sex and raised to the power 1000.

WARNING: Contains foul language. Please be sure to have a fan and a swooning couch prepared before proceeding. Do not read aloud to children or they will giggle at all the naughty words.

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5 Anti-Riders|Speak out

Funpost: Classic brandishment [19 Oct 2017|11:55pm]


Just because I could, I made a new and better animated gif of the legendary Draw & Brandish scene.


Reminder, this not someone goofing off on home video for a laugh, this is a performance in front of a BBC camera crew, for a show with an international audience.

Somewhere out there lives is a director who (a) decided this would be a good idea, (b) approved it for filming, and (c) edited this shot into their documentary.

And Paolini was an adult at the time of filming.

49 Anti-Riders|Speak out

Brief Introduction [18 Oct 2017|10:54pm]

Hi, I'm Ghost Wyvern, aka one of those people who have been making anonymous commentary for years. If you're in the CAH Discord, as many of you are, you know which one I am.

I made an account so that I can eventually review/deconstruct the Kings and Sorcerers books by Morgan Rice for you guys. There are some glimmers of originality within them, but trust me, they are bad. I most likely won't go the sporking route, but will attempt to be constructive. If you want mockery of it, instead of often-outraged grumptastic-ness, then you can mock all you want in the comments.

Sadly, this means re-reading the first book, and then spending money on more of them. Therefore, this will probably be the only Morgan Rice series I do. They aren't so-bad-they're-good, and she's a prolific writer.

Don't ask me when I'll start; I do not know, and I'd prefer to write out my posts in a document before I start doing this. Preparation is likely the only way I can soldier through.
12 Anti-Riders|Speak out

Forged By Fire Sporking: Part Two [17 Oct 2017|06:19pm]

[ mood | broke ]

Part Two: In Which More Pretentious Philosophical Babbling Is Had

Anyway, so Dono is dead. Too bad, so sad. But enough about that – it’s time for more pointless meandering! Zarq (as the narrator; this thing is still in first person) waxes lyrical about Home and what it means, etc. etc. She has apparently tried to convince herself that the Clutch she just won in the Arena bet, Xxamer Zu, will now be her home, and how she’ll be able to change things there as she sees fit to make it just right.

Boy is she in for a nasty shock.

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28 Anti-Riders|Speak out

How do dwarf communities organise food supplies? [14 Oct 2017|06:22pm]


In the last Brisingr-spork chapter we briefly discussed the oddness of the food in Glumra's home, and how the dwarves in Farthen Dur would keep supplied with eggs, and that got me thinking about the whole problem of how a dwarf community that lives inside a mountain - as dwarves traditionally do; that's certainly canon - could plausibly supply itself with food. And it seems to me a question that doesn't get answered by many authors.

AFAIK Tolkien, whose dwarves eat just the same food as men and hobbits do,  addressed the problem just once: right at the beginning of The Hobbit he has Thorin say of the kingdom of Erebor that in its heyday, when jewels and metalwork from Erebor were in Middle-earth-wide demand, "Fathers would beg us to take their sons as apprentices, and pay us handsomely, especially in food-supplies, which we never bothered to grow or find for ourselves." OK, yes, that would work.
It's at least a functional economic strategy, although a high-risk one: a war or plague or trade embargo anywhere at all along the trade route to the south could disrupt the flow of food imports and leave you suddenly starving. But Tolkien never explains, for example, how Balin's people supplied themselves when they re-took Moria, when they weren't in routine contact with anyone else as far as I know.

Have any other fantasy authors produced any explanations of how a subterranean dwarven culture keeps itself supplied with animal and vegetable food that can pretty much only be sourced above ground? Or, indeed, why it should choose to live on that kind of food anyway?

It's such a traditional trope - which Tolkien among others subscribed to - that Dwarves 'grow out of stone' or were 'made out of stone', that you'd think one obvious answer would be that as a silicon life form they actually eat minerals, not meat & veg. But I don't know any authors who subscribe to this theory. If there are any, I'm pretty sure it's here that I'll be told about them!

7 Anti-Riders|Speak out

What Are The Biggest Problems With the Traditional Publishing Industry? How Would You Change It? [13 Oct 2017|07:57am]

So, a lot of the problems in this site can be traced back to the traditional publishing industry giving lots of marketing push behind people whose works fail to live up to the hype, and sometimes miss the mark completely. And yet it's notoriously difficult to get your foot in the door, and good, original work are often culled in favour of "what might sell." Can you give your opinions about this? And what would you change about the industry if you had the power?
11 Anti-Riders|Speak out

"New" Q&A, October 2017 [13 Oct 2017|11:39am]


In his continued desperation to remain relevant in the lead-up to his Space Opera being rejected by a publisher, Paolini has had his team cobble together another "new" Q&A article from the rotting remains of last year's Reddit AMA.

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35 Anti-Riders|Speak out

Cards Against Humanity update [12 Oct 2017|12:58pm]

Thanks to some excellent suggestions and probably a bit too much time spent on my part, the Anti-Shur'tugal Cards Against Humanity deck now has 43 black cards and 118 white cards and counting. Since the base deck has 90 black and 260 white cards, I think this is a good point to start play tests.

To this end, I have taken the liberty of creating a Discord server called Cards Against Alagaesia. That link should allow you to join it. I look forward to seeing you there!
27 Anti-Riders|Speak out

Writing Prompt: New Flesh for Old Bones - the Wise Old Mentor [12 Oct 2017|09:43am]

Since more writers are coming out of the woodwork and we're all enjoying chatting about our projects, I thought it'd be fun to try a writing prompt. Let's take a worn trope and see what we can do to make it interesting again.

Write something about a wise old mentor - it can take place in a story you're already working on or be something entirely new. It can be original fiction or fanfiction. It can be a complete piece of flash fiction or just a scene snippet. Sky's the limit.

For anyone who wants a word count range, I'll set it at 500 words, but that's not a requirement. I can never stick to word counts so I'm not about to make anyone else try. Have fun!
21 Anti-Riders|Speak out

Forged By Fire Sporking: Introduction and Part One [12 Oct 2017|05:32pm]

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Your Thoughts on NaNoWriMo [11 Oct 2017|01:19pm]

National Novel Writing Month is, in its own words:

A fun, seat-of-your-pants approach to creative writing.

On November 1, participants begin working towards the goal of writing a 50,000-word novel by 11:59 PM on November 30.

Valuing enthusiasm, determination, and a deadline, NaNoWriMo is for anyone who has ever thought about writing a novel.

So I imagine most people have heard of NaNo by this point. Writer-types, what are your thoughts on it? Is it an annual event for you? Do you like the community aspect? Is it something you feel you've outgrown, or something you use to remember the fun in writing? Will you be doing it this year?
32 Anti-Riders|Speak out

How Long Have You Been Writing? What Are You Working On Now? [11 Oct 2017|07:31am]

People have mentioned their own writing attempts in our previous threads, so let's keep the ball rolling. For those who are currently writers, how many years have you been writing? Can you tell us about your particular project that you're working on, and why you're really passionate about it? If you're not currently working on something, do you want to? Is there anything in particular that's stopping you (time's always a big issue)?
44 Anti-Riders|Speak out

Anti-Shur'tugal Cards Against Humanity [11 Oct 2017|02:32am]

In a conversation with theepistler, the topic of Cards Against Humanity came up. Because I am a mature, functioning adult, I immediately started generating ideas for custom cards based on mokcing the Inheritance Cycle. Things spiraled, and now I'm actually making a custom deck.

Now, because it takes quite a large number of cards to make a viable deck, I am calling for suggestions. Black cards, white cards, any comm-related joke you can muster. Drop them here, and chances are I will add them.

Also, if you're interested in helping to playtest the deck, we should try to figure out when enough of us are free. I'm using Cardcast to build the deck, so it should be compatible with Pretend You're XYZZY.
28 Anti-Riders|Speak out

Paolini Twitter Ridiculousness [09 Oct 2017|02:15pm]

There have been a few threads discussing specific posts on Christopher Paolini's Twitter account recently, but nothing really looking at said account as a whole. Which is a shame, because it is a beautiful trainwreck of cringe-inducing arrogance, baffling what-the-fuckery, and just general "why would you actually SAY that?" Plumbing its dark depths may be hazardous to your sanity, but it's quite bizarrely fascinating. So if you're willing to take on such a task, what's your favorite "WTF?" Paolini tweet?

My nominations are:
104 Anti-Riders|Speak out

Beyond Tropes...What Do You Want To Improve In Your Own Writing? [09 Oct 2017|08:01am]

Out of the oven and into the frying pan...

So, writers, let's have at it. Nobody's perfect, and we all have a specific goal in mind when it comes to our own writing. What's your weak points? What have you had trouble with when it comes to your own writing? Maybe some of our friendly resident and more experienced writers can come help you. If you're a beginning writer, you've got a long road ahead of you, and I think this is a great way to get started on working at those rough edges.
66 Anti-Riders|Speak out

[09 Oct 2017|01:34pm]

If this is any indication of Paolini's idea of sci-fi, the spec-fic community is going to rip him to shreds. Technobabble went out of fashion decades ago.

And Paolini has claimed he's written a 'hard' sci fi, with notebooks full of calculations and physics notes and so on. :/


Sci-fi: the transverse tachyon generator reversed the polarity of the TDQs in the superluminal torus. Fantasy: a wizard did it.

27 Anti-Riders|Speak out

What tropes do you want to see more of? [08 Oct 2017|10:19pm]

So opposite positive thread this time. What tropes do you think are underplayed or are generally too good to ever get old? Personally I'm quite partial to the Evil Matriarch. Motherhood being so generally benign, it can be delicious to see it corrupted and twisted. One body sharing two minds is usually fun too.

Don't feel too constrained to stuff you find on TV Tropes. By trope you can just talk about general ideas or plot points you'd like to see more of.
61 Anti-Riders|Speak out

What tropes are you sick of? [06 Oct 2017|09:10pm]

Hey, I hear people like these topics. Let's have one here (not exclusive to stuff Paolini has done).
99 Anti-Riders|Speak out

Brisingr Spork Chapter 34: Glumra [05 Oct 2017|04:51pm]

[ mood | productive ]

This chapter was originally assigned to vehkandvehk, but s/he has apparently vanished into the ether and hasn’t answered any of my PMs, so I’ve ganked the chapter for myself, greedy bastard that I am.

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40 Anti-Riders|Speak out

How Has Christopher Paolini Helped You With Your Own Writing? [03 Oct 2017|10:09pm]

This community is going on twelve years now, I think, and it's clear that Paolini has been influential to a lot of people, for better or worse. The root of Anti-Shur'tugal did stem from frustrated young writers (though, as has been pointed out recently, a lot of us aren't young anymore).

There's a lot of seasoned writers here, and a lot of others who are still trying to find their footing. So. Meet and greet--let's talk about positive things. How has Paolini influenced you on a personal basis? What have you learned from him? Let's talk about you guys and your own writing. Anecdotes, stories from the trenches, and so on, are welcome.
65 Anti-Riders|Speak out

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